A day in the life of me

Not nearly as exciting as it sounds, I promise.

First off, Project Bed is starting to turn into “project not happening.”  Tanner still refuses to sleep in his bed all night.  I am about 2 seconds from giving up, however, I know that will solve nothing.  The early mornings are starting to take their toll on me and the kids.  We are all tired and cranky by lunch and it only gets worse as none of us nap.  I would give my left tit for 2 hours of sleep.

School is going as good as can be expected.  We are now to find a Journal Article and prepare an Abstract, both written and on Powerpoint for an Oral Presentation in class.  Because it has to be something in a lab setting, I have chosen to do either IVF or IVM.  I hadn’t actually considered doing IVM until I found an interesting article on the subject.  Now I feel compelled.

Makena has learned how to throw some hideous fits complete with pinching and kicking.  How did I get so lucky to have such a drama queen?  Everyone says she’s just like me.  It doesn’t surprise me. I have my moments.

Today we devoted an entire class hour at the Library learning how to research.  After some nifty hand-outs and a lecture from the two oldest women in the world, we were allowed to go home.  What a relief.  I was about to fall asleep on the second rendition of “this is how you log-in, this is how you log-out.”  Hell, I was just going to hit the actual LOGIN and LOGOUT buttons, but who am I to upset the flow?

Tomorrow is a new day, a new sense of exhaustion.  Peace out.

Project Bed Part 2

So, as you all know, we did get Tanner a new racecar bed.  Last night was the first night in his new bed.

 I’d love to come on here and say that he slept there all night, without a hitch, and we are all well rested.  But that isn’t the case.  He came into our bed around 3 AM as usual and we were too exhausted to even think about moving him and putting up a fight.

Today I asked him why he got in bed with mommy and daddy and his simple reply was “it scared me, it was dark.”  We’ve known for awhile now that T is somewhat scared of the dark. It bothers him to walk into the driveway in the wee morning hours before the sun is up, and we know how much he dislikes playing in his room without light… in broad daylight.  So we tried to fix this problem before it got too bad.  We bought a Nemo nightlite that he adores, we bought a stoplight that blinks for extra light, and we leave his TV on all night for company and light.  But apparently, that isn’t enough.

So now I am on the search for a small bedside lamp that we can add to his room.  It would have to be plastic as he would probably break it on the first day. However, I am unaware of any plastic lamps.  Once we tried the touch-light mechanism and within 5 minutes the batteries were out of it and shoved into the crevice between the dresser and the wall.  (he said he was saving it for later.. whatever that means)

So now I have to find a plastic lamp and a low watt bulb that won’t light up the backyard while he sleeps.  Hey, I’ll do anything to get him in his own bed!

What a day

I am beyond exhausted.  That’s all.

What do you do

When it seems as though some of your closest friends don’t share in the joy of your pregnancy?

I guess there really is no easy way to answer that question.  For the parents who’ve never struggled to get pregnant, to the one’s that haven’t yet conquered that quest, my problem probably will sound trivial at best.

Getting pregnant wasn’t an easy task.  It was met with years of heartache and distress.  Very little answers strewn among the plethora of tests and treatment plans.  It so happens that I got lucky and found a wonderful group of people to share my sorrows and joys with, whom were going through almost the exact same thing.  Problems ranging from PCOS and unexplained infertility, to treatments as “minor” as Clomid to ones’ as meticulous as IVF.  Regardless of our childbearing status, we all had one thing in common.. we were labeled infertile and had the “blessing” of watching everyone around us get pregnant.

It took me three long agonizing years of hell before I got pregnant with my son.  I wasn’t online at that time and I was very naive.  Though the word “clomid” had been thrown around, I didn’t even know what it was.  I found a doctor whom I thought was a fantastic answer to my prayers, very adamant that we jump straight into diagnosing MY problem.  I should have known something wasn’t right when he never did bloodwork.  He jumped straight into getting an HSG done on me.  It was 6 months after the HSG (which we got an all-clear on) before I was finally pregnant.  We started TTC as soon as Tanner was 8 months old because I had this nagging fear that it would take another three years, or longer.  I found an online charting software website to help me understand my cycles and after 17 cycles and 2 miscarriages, I got pregnant with my daughter.  That pregnancy was met with a very rough first trimester that included awful cramping and enormous amounts of bleeding.  Finally, after 38 long weeks, my perfectly healthy daughter was born.

We had decided C would probably get a vasectomy as having more kids just wasn’t really in our future.  We had started to read up on the procedure, searched out the best doctor in that field and discussed when to have it done. Then the unexpected happened. I got pregnant.  How is that possible?  How.. after so many years of unexplained infertility, after tests and failure, timed sex and utter despair.  We are pregnant on accident?  Is this real or a joke gone bad? 

I know that having three kids probably throws me out of the infertility subgroup, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t have feelings, or that what I went through wasn’t a real part of who I am today.    It just means that I have a past that makes me sympathetic and understanding to anyone who is going down the rough road of infertility.

Something in my life finally happened that I’ve always wanted.  A surprise pregnancy where I didn’t plan my entire day around whether or not I was going to pop an egg that day, or whether his sperm would be smart enough to find their way to my tube.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t still think of how it felt to be the only infertile among my friends and family and it doesn’t make the pain of my miscarriages any less.

So here I am, my third baby on the way, only this time it was unexpected.  I sometimes wonder if all of those friends will be discounted once they have their second or third, or even fourth.  I wonder if they will still feel as though their feelings and past struggles really do matter anymore.

I hate my car

Actually, quite the contrary, I love my car.  I am sick of driving.  Sick Sick Sick.  I had a great doctor’s appt. on Friday complete with a rapidly beating heartbeat (babies, not mine) and only 1 lb. of weight gain.  I was pleased.  The Big Day is scheduled for September 21st and I am still almost 99% sure it will be Blue shoes for us. 

Orientation was a reality check.  I hadn’t really thought about going back to school until I sat in the classroom again.  Although this is my third semester, it is still a tad surreal to know that in 2 years, I will be in the workforce again with a degree.  A degree.  It’s very hard to believe that I am smart enough to finish college and earn a degree.  After leaving Orientation, I had to run around town (which idiot drivers) to find a waterproof Lab coat.  That was an unnerving fiasco.  I finally found one at a very small off the wall Uniform store and they had one left, waterproof, in my size.  How’s that for coicidental?

Then I had to rush home, a one hour drive one way, to meet the Cable guy.  Ran back to my inlaws and ended up crashing there for one more night as I had a horrible headache and bad pubic bone pain. 

Makena woke up around midnight and stayed up almost the entire night.  She is sick.  I am not sure if it is a cold or sinus issues, but either way, she is miserable.  She cries, pukes, cries, pukes.. but she only seems to vomit mucous.  It is disgusting.  A quick call to the dr. only left us with minimal answers and the normal “this is going around..bad.”  So we were told to give her Triaminic cough medicine with an Expectorant and wait it out, only to call back if she develops a fever.  So far she seems to be doing okay besides her random bouts of scream/vomit.

 Project Bed is coming along.  Today we got T a new bed, but not one I particularly wanted. It is a twin size Racecar bed, very nice, and he loves it. However, I was trying to get away from the kiddie-type beds and move him into something more realistic that will last him through the years.  This will work I suppose.  He is excited and promises he will sleep there all night without mommy and daddy.  Doubtful, but we’ll see!

 We just got home about 2 hours ago and I am beyond exhausted. It has been a long week.  Oh.. and when we got home, the backdoor was standing wide open. I guess Mr. Cable guy forgot to shut the damn thing.

Till Friday

I am off to MIL’s this morning (and yes.. it’s too early for a normal human to be up) until Friday afternoon.

Wish us luck.

One down, two to go

Is it Friday yet?  Makena slept good last night, but Tanner was up and down the entire night.

 Tanner never was a good sleeper.  From the minute we brought him home from the hospital, I was a neurotic mother that hovered over him 24/7.  I couldn’t let him out of my sight for one second.  He slept with me because I was terrified he would quit breathing.  He had a week long NICU stay after birth and I don’t think we ever got over that fear of losing him.  First we put him in the Basinette, but that was very short lived and his insistent crying made me believe he was physically hurt.  I would scoop him up, calm him down and stick him in bed with me.  At 3 months of age, we moved him into a crib in our room hoping that would buy us all a little sleep.  He wasn’t having it.  He was adamant that our bed was the only place he would shut his little eyes.  So in the end, he was in bed with us, night after night.

I remember his Pediatrician telling me, at his 2 year checkup, that if we didn’t control it now, we never would and he’d be 6 years old and sleeping in our bed.  I thought “no way! That won’t happen to us.”  I’m thinking he was right!

We bought Tanner a toddler bed when he was about 2 years old and he was so excited. He played on it all day, and eventually, fell asleep in that big boy bed.  But after a measley 2 hour nap, he was in our bed for the night.  I figured that eventually he would learn that his bed is for sleeping and getting in our bed wasn’t really that fun anyways.  He never learned that.

 Tanner is almost 4 now and he still sleeps with us.  We even took the bed out of his room since it was a waste of space. (it wasn’t a big deal as the bed was borrowed)  In roughly two weeks, we will be purchasing a new bed for him with high hopes that we can all finally sleep in peace…in our own beds.  I am not naive, I know it will take an act of congress to get him in his own bed. But after C started working, we have zero time alone.  Last night was the very last straw.

Tanner came to bed bouncing off the walls.  He likes to fall asleep in the living room watching TV.  Finally, at 2 AM, tanner decided he was tired and promptly fell asleep in the recliner, only to be in our bed half an hour later.  My back aches, my hips hurt and I get very little sleep anymore. 

So, we will call this Project Bed.  Hopefully it won’t be too traumatizing for any of us.

Still here

We’ll call today “Tired Tuesday.”  I didn’t sleep worth crap last night and neither did the kids.  At some point we were all waken up by a light thunderstorm and the cat spent the night terrorizing the paper towel holder. 

 Yesterday turned out better than I thought it would. The kids went back into our old routine fairly quickly and were pretty laid-back for the most part. We only had one major meltdown from Tanner and that was quickly curbed with Blue and his infamous Clue.  Makena took a very good nap that lasted just shy of 4 hours.  How did I get so lucky to have such a great sleeper?  Tanner never was, hell, he still isn’t.  I dread what my future holds and I spend many nights wondering who this baby will take after.  Sleepy sister or up all night Tanner…

 C seems to like his new job. He gets a good long hour lunch when he’s only used to 30 minutes.  This is perfect as my classes are directly behind the jobsite and I can meet him for lunch twice a week.  Kid-free lunches, I likey.

I am currently enjoying a nice tall glass of water and watching the latest updates on Hurricane Dean.  As of last night, Dean was upgraded to a Category 5 hurricane.  Scary shit.  I don’t know anyone in Mexico, but we are expected to get some of the remnants late Friday night.  Good news for us, terrible news for Mexico.

D-Day

Today C went back to work full-time after a layoff that lasted about 2 months.  I didn’t sleep worth a crap last night. I think partly because of the pregnancy and partly because of my subconscious fear of today.  I don’t know why I am so nervous. I’ve stayed home with my babies since they were born, so this shouldn’t be a big ordeal. But it is…

 Both of the kids are still asleep. Small pieces of heaven. 

Next week is going to be super hectic and I hope I can keep Blueberry updated.  I have a dr. appt. this Friday. I am itching to have another sonogram, but the dr. is very old fashioned and has no desire to fill my wishes until my 20th week. (which won’t happen until the third week in September)  Alas, I wait and wait. I can feel kicks now which is enormously comforting.  After a string of tragic second trimester losses from a few close friends, I have been very on edge lately.

Guess I should get my butt in gear.

The surprise..

No, I didn’t forget.

In 2000, C bought me a ring.  In 2003, I lost that ring.  We searched high and low and had reserved ourselves to the fact that it was a lost cause.

MIL found it!!  We don’t know how it ended up in the back room on the shelf. But it did.  I almost jumped up and down for joy.  Oh how I’ve missed this ring.  It has sentimental value to both of us and I am ecstatic that she found it!